I went to Nathan's place for dinner last night. We had Bacon wrapped Sirloin Steak, mashed taters, carrots and corn. Oh! and coleslaw.
Dave and Michelle were there. David is so god damned cocky.
Pictures to come after Saturday I'm sure.
They have Santa's on the shelf when you come in the door. They were really cute.....

And then, of course.. Their tree was up and as I walked up the stairs, The scent of pine wapped me in the face.
On the buffet in the diningroom, they have a snowy little village.
Christmas magnets on the fridge.
I have never felt like this 4 days before Christmas. I was feeling like I had dropped out of august. "what the hell??"
On the drive home we got coffee at Timmy's. Earlier this month I was bouncing in the car, excited as all getup to be getting a Christmas Timmy's cup, with chidren on it... Now, as we rounded the same corner to enter the drive-thru I muttered, "I hate this Christmas Shit."
"Me too. HEY! I thought that you loved Christmas."
"Not this year. I'm fucking miserable."
"Is it me, I'm sorry if it was me..."
"No. It's everything else."
All the way home, I leaned my head on the headrest and stared blankly at thousands of glowing orbs of coloured light that the houses emit.
I felt nothing. The only thing that stirred in me was the disconcerting nature of feeling nothing at the most... or the Second Most important of my religious holidays.
We got home and I wandered into my room and laid on the bed. Nathan came in, "Are you gunna stay in here for awhile?"
"Are you going out there?"
"Yah, you can play on the computer awhile. I'll play prince of persia or something."
"Come here first. I want cuddles."
And so he laid down.
Time passed, time didn't pass.. and I began to cry.
And I cried and I cried until his shirt was wet.



So tonight we get a tree. And I hope, Just hope, that I will get there.
I have never felt this way before. I can only hope to get there.