So... nifty new layout. Just playin' a bit. Green, I've never done one with any white on it before besides white text. Its exciting.
I won't keep it long. Most likely.
I'm also on a Fleetwood Mac kick, so thats good too. Blah. My head hurts. I just took some acetemetophin... Gerry wants les computer.

Sooner or later it always settles down.

I went for a walk tonight. Maple Ridge is quiet.
Having grown up in Vancouver, I don't remember a time when there wasn't the sound of traffic whizzing past.. And if I stopped noticing it along the way, in the back of my mind I always knew it was there.
The silence is eerie to me. It's bizarre. Seems entirely wrong.
I guess as a city kid, I'm just not used to the real sound of the night. It's like when I go up to Lac La Hache in the summer and can see stars I didn't even know were there. The sky is full of shiny sparkly things, it blows my mind. Even though I've seen it eight million times... everytime I get away from here I stare up at the sky and just.... Breathe in a deep breath of wow.
The city holds my heart, it grabs me and holds me and keeps me warm. When I'm alone I can go somewhere, anywhere and be anonymously sucked into the throngs of mindless faceless extra's.

Yesterday I took the train to work, as per usual. Ran into some people who take the same bus at the same time as me..... Julie? Judy? Something along those lines... She's a nice lady, but you can tell from.. well, just about every physical attribute on her body that she's led a rough life. Had quite a go at things.. But because of this, she's got some stories.
I might be young, but I relate well to old sour people. People who aren't quite washed up.. but who certainly aren't saints. People who live in a different world. People who believe that it is one life, to the best of our knoweledge, and to worry is to waste it... so fuck it. Live Hard, Play Hard.. Go for it.
Anyway, There's Julie.. and this guy Rick. We're travel buddies, if you will... Whatever.. it passes the time. We get yelled at by the same busdriver all the time. "BE QUIET!!!"
Mostly it's because of our foul mouths. At least, thats what I presume.
yesterday Rick told me he's a longtime crystal meth addict.
If you don't know how I feel about meth, let me give you a brief summary.

I spent about a year altogether, between the dabbling in the beginning and the quitting at the end. In total it was about seven months of straight use. A number of things made me stop... And come September I will be three years clean of the shit.
But God damn... only once have I been so close as I was yesterday. The only thing stopping me yesterday was my lack of funds. I've just been so stressed lately.... and just the idea.. knowing that he had it on him.. that it was available...
God it killed me.
I swear to God, a piece of me is dead because of that drug, and for all the shit it did to me.... I still crave it. It's exactly like an abusive relationship.
So I would have bought it, waited until after work, done it, and then walked around all night wondering why the fuck I would blow almost three years clean.
And of course, I would have gone downtown... just wandered in the hustle bustle. Downtown never sleeps. Even at 4am it's busier there than it is some places during the day. I should know, thats all I fucking did.
So many lost souls out there, and I KNOW that... so why then does it still grip me by the throat everytime I think or speak about it? It happens at the very least once every two days.. I'm like.. damn... It would be so easy.

But the bottom line, kids, is that I am still clean. Ahahahaaaaa! So, in essence, I conquer. One small step in a lifetime battle with myself.

I still don't understand why so often I close my eyes and just want to hurt myself. I'm doing well, My emotions are fucked.. but I don't use my vices like I used to.
I smoke. So what.
One more thing before I quit, I never wanted anything more than I could fit into my head I still remember everything....

Sometimes I just want to run away, live in a forest naked... Forget it all.
This life is too complicated.

I had an awesome bus adventure last night. Yay!
To make a long story short, I missed the last bus to Maple Ridge. I got a ride home from a really nice bus driver, but we had to do one more round trip to Lougheed and back. It was actually fun. Good conversationalist, he was. I enjoyed myself.


And note to everyone. Would you all just fucking smarten up. Highschool drama sucks. I love you all, but stop it.

And beyond that, I stayed up on the phone with Jacquie late last night again..... I was just staring at the sky, watching it get lighter and lighter. It was nice. Really nice. Not that I never see the sun rise, I actually see it far more often than I should.... So, you guys know me.. I snapped some pictures. Mostly because I needed new LJ icons. Now I've got them... That is, I have three new ones... but I let my paid account run out, so thats my limit.


More pictures... Cuz I am so cool. Hope you like my face. I do. :P:P:P

One new icon...

YOUR FACE!!!!!

I honestly LOVE my black hair. Its so soft and shiny.

On the phone.

So if you've ever spoken to me on the phone, now you get to see what it looks like...
This is how I deal with boredom.
And when I feel like shit, taking pictures makes me feel much better.

These eyes cry every night for you.

She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous.

Fuck, this is why I love my eyes. YAY!!!



This one I really like. ^^
So those are the black and whites.
Then I played with Sepia.


Sleepy Bear...

Upsidedown


Round here she's always on my mind. Round here, I've got lotsa time........ See.... Round here we're never sent to bed early and nobody makes us wait.. round here we stay up very very very very very very late....
I can't see nothin'.
Nothin'
Around here....

Would you catch me if I'm falling, kiss me if I was leavin.. hold me cuz I'm lonely without you... I'm under the gun
Around here....

Man I said I'm lonely around here.

And I can't see nothin'. Nothin' around here.

I miss him so fucking much.




that is all.

PICTURRRRES.

Tonight I chillaxed with Manderz cuz I'm harsh cool like that. We took her rats into the back yard and raced 'em. YESSSS!!! Monday night rat races are the best.
They were so cute, bouncing through the grass. They seemed to have fun. But Sheba was jealous.

Amanda with our qualifying contestants, Nemo and Napolean.
Michael and Charlotte were cut from the team for being confused and slow.

"YOU HAVE MET YOUR MATCH..."

The start line. :D


Amanders is so purdy.

Here's Mike, after disqualification.



We took two nice ones, then we just got retarded.

Learn to FLY.

Manda.

Amanda and mummy. :D:D:D

I redyed my roots this morning, so I have super black hair again. and its super shiny.

Seeee???

Eyes.

Smile.

Laying on the grass.

Again.


Enjoy, my dearies. ;)

It is so fucking hot in Vancouver today. Maple Ridge is worse. *sighs* GOD.
And I'm so hungry. I had some cauliflower chedder at work today.. soup that is... but I just don't have time to smoke and eat, and being the moron that I am, for whatever reason, cigs take on a higher position in my priorities than feeding myself.
I'll get an ulcer. Or stomach cancer, swear to God.

I did my roots this morning before all by myself.... That was exciting. So now I'm not all dorky lookin'. Well, I still am.. but you know, its hot and I worked all day... I need to have a shower.
I've been chilin in my Carebears PJ's since 3pm when I finished my shift. Everyone was like.. "ARE THOSE PAJAMAS???"

"Yah... and...?"

They think I'm mental.
Maybe I am mental.

I just prefer to be comfortable. I got on the bus and took my shoes off. My feet don't stink or anything, and there were only two people in the back section of the bus.... So I figured, whatever. They kind of laughed, I said, "Hey.. whatever is comfy, right...?"

Its a beautiful day out there. But man, Its bloody warm.
what kind of goof blogs about the weather.
I'M HUNGRY.
FUCKCKCKKCKKCCKCKeoausdf'hlsjkzd;gj

and then some.

Baby
Its three AM I must be lonely...

This one is from Work.....
I hump Ben all the time.


I got drunk last night. :O

'
Chesca..... Though i'm not sure how its spelled.

We got Don to buy alcohol because neither Michelle or I had ID, and though she's 22 and I'm 21 they were still dinks about it.
"ANGER!"
So.... we bought booze and found ourselves in a park..... On Victoria just off first. It was fun.

Here's Don rolling himself a snigarette.

The walk home. I took some pics of the city from East Van. This is what the po' folk see.

The view from commercial and broadway.
Sort of, its just off, on Victoria.

I made them atop to look at the cut. Its looking good. Its had a few years to grow stuff again. Its looking a-ok.

I love this picture of Michelle. Heh. Ass.
Then we got back to their place...

KITTEN!!!

Isn't he cute? He's going to my friend Melissa.
And of course...

There always must be a picture of Lynzie and a doobie. :D


aND ONCE i FIGURE IT OUT, i'LL GET SOME VIDS UPLOADED.
Ha... caps lock.
I'm too lazy to fix that. :D

Enjoy.