When I make pergoies in a frying pan, they scream at me. It kind of makes me feel bad for the little guys.

Nathan went home to do some laundry, and from the text messages I received, it looks like his hose blew... Water? Oil? I don't know. Nevertheless, the thing is overheating. So when I spoke with him he was at Canadian Tire. He said he's going to try and patch it, and that he'll have to fix it up tomorrow. Which I hope he does, because we're scheduled to join the crew at Horseshoe Bay for some New Years Eve BBQing at Nicks house.
Mid Winter Barbeque's. I love Western Canada.


I had some D.A.R.E believing S.O.B leave a negative comment on here... And it's the same as they've always been (besides the attack of the fellowship of Brown Boys)... some anonymous puke leaving non capatilized messages about my stupidity. If I wasn't so in love with my dinner right now I might have a smidgeon of caring
But alas, After six years of volunteering my services to a human right that I believe in.. One measly little whiner kid who watches too many After School Specials is not going to upset me.

Oooh. It's 7:11 pm. I could go for a slurpee, if only there was a sev closer than 30 minutes away. Really, I live in a suburb, sure.. But you would think they'd have slurpee's within a five mile radius.

My darlinmg roomate is spending the night with a fourty year old man she met when I took her to the fetish club for my birthday party. I made her write down his name and phone number.. Because we don't know the guy from a hoel in the wall. She spoke with him on the phone and then went for coffee with him, but that don't mean much.
So it's my responsibility to freak out if she doesn't come home.


I made popsicles out of juice boxes. They're glorious.




the kind of popsicles that you can't help but suck all the flavour out of, then by the end you end up with a giant hunk of ice. OH LORD. It brings back memories.


I have this sharp stabbing pain in the back of my neck today. No idea what I have done. Perhaps a nap is in order. I've yet to decide.

I don't think I could take another 'talk' about it



I finally dragged my ass out of bed and had a bath.. and then it took another two hours to get my ass out the door. And that only lasted fifteen minutes, until I returned with a bag from Shoppers, a large pizza and no money.
The old lady at the Shoppers ID's me every single time I buy cigarettes, and of course.. today my id isn't in my wallet, and neither was my shoppers card.... And thank God Carrie was working or I would have had to come back here.
Don't come so close, don't breathe so soft. Don't purr so soft, Don't feel so real. Please, Don't let me fall in love with you.
I bought myself some spray gel that is designed for curly hair. I assume, because it has been years since I tried to go with the curly hair, and not straighten it, that maybe it will be better behaved now.
Looking at pictures of myself on New Years Eve, Nineteen Ninety Nine.. My hair was a frizzy mess.
If that ever happens again, shoot me.
Maybe all the hairdye has changed it
ALRIGHT
obviously I have nothing to actually say.
Peace Out.

For The Love Of All That Is Good,




I hope that we feel this... Feel this way forever.


What the hell?
What the hell is wrong with the world?
So much sorrow. We can't find joy in the world when we examine it, we can't find joy in the world when we don't examine it.
Even sitting on a bed in Canada, it isn't joyeous.
Any joy in anyone is stripped out and turned into bitterness...
And it hurts me.


To think that the music that I love is being made in a state of turmoil. Je nais c'est pas. I suppose it's nothing that I didn't know.
But he makes my heart hurt.
He makes my heart hurt and there is nothing I can do to fix it.

Scenes from an italian restaraunt
You run it over a million times. How would it have turned out if I had chosen a different move? Was there a whole different, wonderful alternate universe I could have unlocked if I had taken another option.


I try to live my life without regrets. I try to just view things as though they're set up this way, I make choices, but they were the right ones at the time I was forced to make them. I am here for a reason.


Look who's laughing now that you've wasted how many years and you've barely even tasted anything remotely close to everything you've boasted about. Look who's crying now.

I miss these girls...

Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken.



I am original.
I am loveable.
I am capable.
And I am glad.





Very glad.

I love Outkast more now than ever.
And I just redownloaded Pieces of You by Jewel.. And dude... I missed this album.
She had a good thing going on. I wish she would have stuck it out in the folk scene and not sold out. Fantabulous voice.

The best and most comfortable pants in the world.
I got them from Urban Behaviour, which I have never set foot into before.. But the bells on them are like... 40 inches each
OH GOD I LOVE BELLBOTTOMED PANTS
Hey, at least I know what I want.

Marshall and myself

He's my furry lova.

Christmas is a time for photos. So hang in there as I wreck my layout to share the wonderment of our holiday season with you.

Nathan

Nathan and Paula.

Paula.
December 23- 05.

I needed to see how I looked from different angles, and I only have one mirror.

Back of my head.

My stepdad wrapping gifts


Mom's tree

Cranberry Pear Pie


My mom's ancient cat. She's 16 years old.

My mom playing with her. She's thrilled.

Presents.. Mostly for me. (It made me feel bad)

My stocking stuff

My mom and dad doing their stockings.

This is a funny story...
My dad did a bunch of wrapping the night before for my mom, and he was more or less, apparently, just wrapping whatever he had previously put on the table.
but my mom had somehow put this Charlie Brown Xmas book on the table as well, and he wrapped it. So she unwraps her own book and starts killing herself laughing.
"What is this?"
"I dunno... Didn't you want it wrapped?"
"No...."
"well, it was on the table...."

Here she was telling me that she had wondered what the hell book she would have been getting, cuz she knew what all her stuff was....

Brian insisted on taking a pre shower no makeup picture. For this I hate him.
AT Nathan's Family dinner-

Oma and Dave

Jennifer all blurry

Pre dinner

Oma

Gus.

Nathan and Sean

Teh livingroom as seen from upstairs

Nathan playing Xbox in Sean's room

Jennifer
AAAAAAAAAAAAAANnnnnd



My granfather.. Bald.

Yesterday we had not quite finished the Christmas junk. We stayed up late on the twenty fifth, watching.... Serenity, which, afterall was a very good movie. Besides the space aspect that I can't relate to, the storyline kept me very entertained.
We had to go to my grandparents place for lunch... Which I was excited about, but very nervous to have to see my grandfatehr with no hair due to chemotherapy.
Regardless, the issue came up all week, that Nathan had a cold a while back, and was nervous he might still be carrying it and didn't want to go in case he got my grandfather sick
And I can understand his concern. I honestly can. But I think it was ridiculous, because he has not been sick for a week, he is not contagious.. And I wanted him to go
The first thing he said to me when I woke him up was, "I still don't feel comfortable going."
So I was kind of irritated........


Had my shower, and then Nathan got up.
The tension was thick, as he went to the shower.
I was in the bathroom, and we started hashing this shit out, me leaning against the counter.....
"I just think it's kind of mout.. because you're not contagious..."
"I know. But what if... You know.. Unless you want me to get your grandpa sick."
I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes into the back of my head. these words felt like being kicked in the stomach.
"Yah. Thats exactly what I want." I said, and made a move for the bathroom door.
He grabbed me, I shoved him across teh bathroom, "Don't fucking touch me."

Of course.... Like any good fight with Lexy, it ended with me crying all over his chest.
Our first real fight.


And he came with me, so I guess I won.




Annnnnnd, so, that went well. Afterwards we headed back from Vancouver into Coquitlam for Nathans second family dinner.
At which I was about inches way from killing his oldest brother for this quote of the year.
"Animals don't have souls."





I'll leave you with that one.

So.
I must say. Yetserday was among one of my roughest days EVER.
I've said it before, however.. It's hard to keep bad days in perspective when you're having one. It's hard to remember how bad the last one was.

Nevertheless... We were both, myself and nathan, being fucking assholes.
I was okay when I woke up, but I just got nasty... Not mean... Just sad. So I spent all morning crying..... and then he dropped me off at lougheed, and I finished my shopping, then bused home, thinking that I would be late and he would yell at me.... But nope. i got home, got ready... wrapped the gifts... fucked with my hair for the nine hundredth time... We were supposed to be at the service at 4pm.
five to four.. I'm wondering where he is.... Four o clock hits... I, of course, have no bloody phone to find out.
Ten after four he finally comes home. "I don't even fucking want to go."


So.... Then it was my turn to try and deal with him.
He was hungry, so ..... Wanting to avoid everything, we went to the closest and fastest drive thru.
But of course
Mcdonalds closes their drive thru on Clarke on Xmas Eve.



"Of course." He says.. then hits his steering wheel ridiculously hard and says, "Fuck. I'll just drop you off at your parents place and then go home."



And I start crying again.
"STOP CRYING! ITS NOT YOU. WHY ARE YOU CRYING???????"




Anyways.. I wanted to wrote an entry that would tell everyone that Once I got to my mom's house.. after the car over heating three times..... I feela whole lot better.
And it was the reminder I needed that it doesn't matter that I am broke as fuck. I love my people and my people love me.
THE END

If all of the stress that has been going on in my life int he last two months was just from Christmas, I might still be happy.
But unfortunately for myself, It'll get worse after this day is over and i have to deal with the rest of this shit.
I hate life.

But hey, In the meantime

Happy Birthday to fucking me