So yah.
guess who never showed up yesterday?
Yah.
I don't even need to write her name.
And guess who is here right now?
Oh yes.
I feel trapped.
like literally.
In my room, listening to tupac.
She scares me.

I worked Friday and Saturday, and then stayed up all of Saturday night chatting with Nathan. Ha. Chatting with.
The fact that we're staying up all night just to talk. *sigh* It owns me.
Then On Sunday we fell asleep around 9:30am, and slept until 5pm. We got up, went to Nathans place... hung out, and came back here. He hasn't been home since.
We're going there tonight for dinner..
Terri is supposed to be moving out today. It's 1:40 almost. Still no sign of her.
She asked us to please be out of the house. Ha. Close enough. Paula is reading on my bed and I'm here. Typing this.
Presently listening to classical music, and absent from the real world.
Mmmmmm. Cigarettes.
So I went to work on Monday. Did a split. Then came home and went out again to a party at Nate's (He's my boss, as if thats not confusing).
It was okay. Nice little bit of drama at the end. But otherwise good.
Derek Sommers called me at four in the morning.
He wanted to "get stoned". I told him I was in bed with Nathan.
ha. "So calling you at 3am is a bad idea?"
"It's 4:27."
He was tanked.
He tried to sleep on me in the cab home. Eeew.

Other than those happenings, there isn't much to report.
I'm afraid of Terri. No really. Being in the livingroom today makes my stomach flip.
I appologize for writing so much about it.. but once this is over... I'll be able to just forget it and move on.
Be out of the house. She didn't even give us a window of time. Just instructions to leave home for a whole day.
So what?
From midnight to midnight?

1:46pm.
Wednesday. November 2005.
Goddamnit.
I'm getting old. There's a month and three days until my birthday.
Pressure is on. Xmas is coming. I have no money. Oh yay for working.
Not enough. GRRRRRRRR. Too much stress. I have to call my grandpa.



Time is a cruel thing. It just keeps ticking ticking ticking into the future.
Oh Seal. Your face looks like you fell on a cheese grater. Twice.


All I want to do is smoke. Classical music is bizarre. It has prompted me to change myu MSN name to "A Journey of joy and Sadness Led by the Cello".
And that is exactly what this song is.
I want to go get plastered. Like right tanked. The way I was at Nicks last BBQ. The way I was at the hallowe'en party.
I intended to do so at Nate's. But I didn't feel comfortable enough to do it. So I had 2 shots of vodka, and called in a night.
I think that's what makes drinking and me bad togetehr; not being comfortable. I always felt like I was being judged by George. When I get tanked with Mcihelle I feel great.
Maybe that's it. I have to drink with Michelle. No matter what. For it to be good, Michelle must be involved.
BAHAHAHAHA!
And I want to do drugs. As always I want to do drugs.

At least now I don't feel bad.
Terri is gone from my life.
Officially. I have removed the barnacle on my ass. I couldn't be happier. For awhile there, I felt bad. Like... Because I was deserting her. But now. Fuck her. She can be alone for the rest of her life.
I tried to write an email to her, telling her that I felt this was stupid, and that we could be adult. And telling her that I loved her.
She sent me an email back telling me that I air laundry in public, and listing off all of the things that she didn't bitch at me about that botehred her about living with me.
Like it makes her a saint that she sat on her emotions until they ruined our relationship. Not that she's ever had a relationship work that wasn't based around me.
Does she even realize that Jenn was asking Paul to get rid of her? That she was nothing short of humping her own bosses leg? Does she realize that these people she calls her friends were only allowing her to hang around begrudgingly for me?
Because taking care of her was something that was important to me.
So now who has she got? Her brother, and people in mexico she's met a few times. Good. Great. What a fantastic life. I hope she goes far.
Far, headfirst into a speeding car.

What an ungrateful little shit.
Oh my God.
Some people.

She let two months ruin fourteen years. Two months of stuff that I apparently did wrong over fourteen years of absolute and utter bullshit for her sake. And she thinks that she put up with motre from me than I from her.
She's fucking dillusional.
Like seriously.