There'd be days like this my momma said.
Momma said, momma said...
Momma said there'd be days like this.... There'd be days like this, my momma said.



I think every bad day constitutes wanting to say it's "The worst day ever". Because the way you feel when you're having one, will never be comparable. You can never put it into perspective. It's not like the next time you're pissed you can be like... "Fuck man.. This ain't as bad as the last time. Whoooeee! That was a zinger."
Nope. You're too damned angry at whatever it is thats making you angry. There's no desire for comparison.


I wasn't angry when I woke up this morning, per se..... I looked at the clock a few times and hour, thinking that there were things I should get up and do, but knowing also that the future of my day was grim. It's typical November in BC. Save the one day that I slept through this week.... I have no money. I have no food in the house. I have no cat food in the house. I have no cigarettes.
And the reality of work hanging over my head all day was one I was looking forward to.
Finally, around eleven, I got up.
Had me a shower.... Chilled about.... Played online a bit, but most of the day I couldn't due to a system check and defrag on the new computer... So, at 2:30 I lay down to have a nap. At three I stopped reading and fell asleep.
Did I mention that I started bleeding today? Well... It's good, on the one hand.. Lexy's not a mommy. It's bad on the whole.. having to deal with that front.
When I awoke from my mininap... My gut was fucking killing me. It felt like my uterus was trying to escape me through my bellybutton.
like.
fuck.
So.... From there... I got my uniform folded up and in my bag... My pants were still wet because I'm too poor white trash to even afford washing my clothes here in the projects of Coquitlam... Where, half the time the machine steals your quarters anyway.....
Got myself ready.... Went out and waited for my 97, which... when timed right.. drops me off at the station 3 minutes before my bus to work leaves.
And today, of all days, I figured that the ninetyseven would be all fucked, seeing as how I felt like crap and everything... But no,. For once, it was on time. Listening to eminem, I boarded..... Without a word from the driver about owing him an upgrade. "Wow." I thought, "Maybe today is looking up afterall."
Scene- Busloop.
Bus that should have left at 5:30 doesn't show up. Next one is at six. I start at six. So I start walking. It's not that far... just fucking cold.
All this time trying to bum a cigarette of someone in the lower mainland. Anyone. No avail.
You know those little turning lanes.. Not left hand turning lanes, but seperatedlanes for people who are turning right.. They have them at some intersections every now and again. One of those intersections is Lougheed and North Road.
Where some bitch just about killed me.
These two women in front of me are walking so slowly I want to beat them.. And having wasted time waiting for the bus that wasn't.. I was hurrying to work. So.. I get stuck behind these broads for... a good two, three minutes.... No one moves over from the other, they just lumber along. And they weren't going ridiculously slow or anything, just slow enough to bug me.
They come up to this lane, and there's a car coming.. like.. half a block away. It's a crosswalk. Pedestrians have the right of way, so I walk.
Bitch doesn't even slow down, so I jump my ass out of her way.. at which time, I guess she notices me or whatever (BIG RED HOODIE! HARD TO MISS, THANKS) and she slams on her brakes making all sorts of ridiculous hand gestures,l so I get my ass out in front of her car and give her the nice long ole middle one. There I stood, in all my defiance..... Staring her right in the eye and giving her my longass middle finger.
It was glorious.


When I was satisfied I moved along.
To work. Where I look at the schedule and see that... I'm not supposed to work today.


So....
Off I go back home. Wanting to kill myself.
Could have SWORN it said Tuesday Wednesday. So I have to see about that one.

The 97 home took half an hour to come, when it's supposed to come every ten minutes in rush hour... and the lineup of people was ridiculous. It curved around so far it passed another bus stop.... And Do you think one of those busridin' assholes would give me a cigarette?
No.
So, by this time... I'm in tears.... and being hassled by a bus driver who was not even on time.... to move to the back of the bus... Which I won't do because I'm getting off at one of the first five stops and I don't want to push my way back down to get out... But I probably should have listened, because it would have avoided the next issue.


When the drivers here stop at a bus stop... this little light above the door turns green and you push on the handle to make the door open. He stops. Light doesn't turn green. People shoving me.... so I say, "Back door!" and he says, "I'm not even at the bloody stoo yet!!!!"
Harharhar. The whole bus is laughing at me.


and now. Here. Still with no cigarettes.. I lay on my bedroom floor in hopes that maybe.. Just fucking maybe.. The shit will be over now, and here I will be safe.
I hope your Tuesday has gone bettter than mine. With love,
Lexy.