Late nights, me a computer, cigarettes and good music. What else could a nerd possibly ask for.
A coffee.
I have flat pear cooler by Growers. Its gross. I hate booze. :P Ick.
It's the 4th of July, or it was up until five minutes ago. So to all you 'Mericans, Happy Day.

Sonia called in sick today, I was supposed to be sandwich, but I ended u being fountain. I did some grill. I actually put out two clubs for the lot, 2 legendary's. one with cheese, three BC burgers, two strawberry shakes, 3 half caesars travel and 5 for counter, a puerto Vallarta Salad, two mediterranian chicken salads, and a schezuan chicken slad... All single handedly.
It was an intense high.
I ran the kitchen for a good twenty five minutes or so, and it was still busy with long weekend traffic.
Michelle called me at one or so, wanting to talk about last nights entry, so when I got off work I went downtown and read the rest of the book I started two days ago.... And then down to her office to meet her.
We walked, sat, talked, walked, sat, talked, walked, sat and talked some more, and the more she spoke to me the more I relaized that while there are similarities in the events we experienced, they're not at all the same. The situations were very very different.
And its not to say that one is more real than the other, just to say that in all honesty 've been somewhat blown away. Because in one way it is the same shit, but, as they say... just a different day.
What I figure is that his experience with me had him revise his methods a bit.
Thats all that I can figure, but I'm still alittle thrown for a loop. It doesn't change the way I feel, not one tiny bit. And it doesn't surprise me either.
but it's something.,.... Different puzzle pieces come together as I get further away I guess, but I'm still tempted, if not as much as I was last night, to contact him. What I would say or do is beyond me, but I've been doing a lot of tying of loose ends lately. Unfinished business.
In this case I believe that the wisest course of action is just to let sleeping dogs lie.
But the problem with that is that I'm not sure I'm capable or willing.
I've always been a bit of a shit disturber. I have to say.
It's scary. I want to be where I was then. I miss it sometimes, sure, But I never thought I'd see the day when I actually wished to be back in that horrible mess, but I do. I almost long for it. I can close my eyes and remember for the first time hearing someone suggest that t hey might possibly be in love with me.
For what its worth,, some of the most important things in my life happened with him, is it such a crime to tie a rope around the memories of good times?
As I get older I realize that its never going to go away, Its something that shaped my personality in one of the most wicked transitions I've ever experienced. It rocked my world, if you'll forgive my cruddy cliche.
God damnit.
lack of coffee.
brain shutting down


Maybe thats what happens when you listen to eminem this late at night

that has got to be it.
Goodnight my loyal readers... I heart every one of you.
~Lexilicious.